50 Days Sober but I’m doing it all wrong

What the f*ck. This is real.

Today is the big silver anniversary – 50 days without alcohol.

This feels like a miracle – like I’ve been born again. “Fifty days” is not a finish line but a fresh start.

To be fair, I’m not doing this recovery thing right.

1. I quit drinking without the normal support systems, not from pride but necessity.
2. I started blogging the whole ugly process, if I blow it up you’re all going to see.
3. I found a long distance sponsor, but not until day 40.
4. Only today did I finally walk into my first 12 step meeting.

It’s like I’m fundamentalist incapable of following directions. Or maybe I just prefer doing this back-assward. Draw your own conclusions.

The upside is things are working… Despite my flawed approach, I’m firmly on the road to recovery. Only two things I’m doing right – both are the side affects of my desperation.

1. I’m learning to be honest
2. I’m fighting for my life

I hit rock bottom so hard there was bounce. That kick woke me up and I came out swinging. The 12 STEPS and the EASY WAY books mapped out my escape. Soon I found new recovery friends who helped me follow the path. My family has shown me nothing but love. On my worst days they kept me looking forward.

This is my time. 50 days sober is just a start.

Most of all, I had to fight back. Addiction had pushed too far, I had nothing left to lose.

It was scrappy. I clawed, cussed, bit, and kicked. I was over my head, but help found me. That’s the lesson of step 2 and step 3, there is a power that wants me to live.

So, I’m a recovery screw-up, but I can literally thank God that I’m not alone.