This recovery shit is fragile, even after 10 weeks sober.
It’s been 70 days sober, but my brain has been flipping out and bringing me back to alcoholic daydreams. It’s definitely connected to stress. I’m just asking if this is PAWS or my part of my bipolar cycle.
These drinking fantasies return with every hint of stress . . .
BUT
. . . they are less attractive each time.
The addiction voice is losing it’s power. I’m changing and moving forward, but it’s still trying to seduce the old me – lame right?
That whisper is getting smaller. It’s fading out like a bad dream faced with a kick-ass pot of coffee. ☕☕☕
Radon drinking fantasy. Saw flights to Orlando and thought about doing a 3 day bindge in Epcot. Yuck. I hate the addiction whsiper. pic.twitter.com/uTpJhQemJS
— Sober Tony (@sobertony) April 24, 2017
What about PAWS? ????
Post acute withdrawal syndrome (PAWS) is starting to get my attention. At first I was skeptical, living in the pink cloud of early sobriety. 10 weeks sober and some weird things are happening:
- Rapid mood cycling is back
- 3 day headache that felt like a hangover
- Sleep problem is back
- More frequent drinking fantasies
- I’m losing my appetite
I am just now looking up the symptoms, because I didn’t want to feed my imagination.
PAWS is basically all the longer term growing pains as your body gets accustomed to not drinking. The initial shock of sobriety has passed, this is the healing process. It’s the long walk home in the morning. That’s where I’m at after 70 days sober.
These symptoms are a result of brain dysfunction caused by the brain readjusting to being without alcohol and drugs. Recovery from PAWS usually takes somewhere between six and 24 months. HAZELDEN BETTY FORD FOUNDATION
Here are the major signs of post-acute-withdrawal. (click here for more)
- Inability to think clearly (foggy brain)
- Trouble with Memory
- Cravings
- Anxiety, Guilt, Depression
- Emotional overreactions or numbness
- Sleep disturbances
- Physical coordination problems (clumsy)
- Stress sensitivity
Unlike the initial alcohol withdrawn, PAWS isn’t a direct medical emergency (unless it leads to serious mental health problems). The main threat is relapse and losing faith in the recovery process.
Stressful situations arise in early recovery, and the symptoms of post acute withdrawal syndrome produce further distress. It is important to avoid or to deal with the triggers that make post acute withdrawal syndrome worse. WIKIPEDIA
I’m not convinced
YES – I’m totally a hot mess, but that doesn’t mean it’s PAWS.
There are just too many moving parts to know what’s actually broken. I’ve got major life drama, a bipolar diagnosis, and my body is definitely adjusting to sobriety. Beyond that, maybe I’m just a moody old bastard.
The cure for PAWS
This one is obvious, just stay sober today. Everyday you smash addiction is another victory.
We already got past the initial physical withdrawal. The job now is to outlast the annoyance of PAWS symptoms.
- Be honest about the cravings
- Keep working the program (meetings, sponsor, etc.)
- Do the next right thing, regardless of feelings.
I’m not a genius, but I’m smart enough to know that drinking will only give new life to the addiction demon.
That’s why I’ll be right here tomorrow – staying sober and working on my recovery.
What about you?
Have you been dealing with PAWS? Is this normal? Leave a comment below to start the conversation.
Tony, I went through an interesting phase at 60-90 days (I think) wherein I was foggy and depressed. Seems similar to the list of PAWS symptoms you mentioned. But I also like what Paul said in the tweet: it can be easy to use that as an excuse. For what it is worth, everything you are experiencing seems normal to me.
Thanks friend. I’m a little confused for sure, but it feels manageable.
Staying sober is job #1.
Whatever is happening, I’m certain that alcohol would not fix anything.
I’m just an old drunk. I sobered up by working the steps, helping the drunk next to me and cleaning the hall. 70 days is quite a marker. I still had the “snakes and quakes” in my boots. The shakes to a few years. After years of drinking poison, it takes a long time to detox from. Then, when it’s not there, I thought there was something wrong with me. Sounds normal to me. Keep it up!
Yes. That’s what I’m thinking too.
The first month of my sobriety was wonderful and perfect and rainbows and unicorns.
And then it sucked.
I mean like a lot.
Like awful relapse dreams that resulted in long term jail time and/or losing my son. Reliving every dumb, stupid, dangerous thing and situation I put myself in while wasted. Crying about the money I drank away. Deep deep depression.
Like you I have a shiny bipolar diagnosis. I don’t know your situation. If you were on meds while you were drinking, I highly suggest you get with your doctor to get them check now that you have some sobriety under your belt. Alcohol greatly fucks with bipolar meds and now that you are sober and your body has had some time to stabilize they might need tweaked.
It’s easy to say “it gets better” but this shit, sobriety, is a daily struggle. FInd a support system. Lean on them. Take it one day at a time.
You got this dude!
Thanks so much for sharing. I am glad to know it’s not just me.
I didn’t start the meds yet, they are in my desk but I’m not sure they will help – and I’m afraid to try.
I’m feeling the struggle this week, but trusting that working the program will help.
I always appreciate the encouragement!
I see a lot of these comments are from 2017. It’s now 2019 so I hope I’m not too late to leave a comment. I’m a day shy of 70 days. This is my 3rd try at getting sober in the past 7 months. All three times found me in the ER, and the last one landed me in rehab. Rehab seemed to work. I was engaged, listened, and was just ready to put this behind me for good. My last relapse, the wheels starting coming off my sobriety in the 50 day range. I didn’t recognize the PAWS symptoms and started to believe I could “manage” drinking, stopped going to meetings, started think AA was BS, then went out and relapsed. Hard. As I made it past the 50 and 60 day mark this time, I felt the PAWS symptoms sneaking up again, but this time recognized what it was. I’ve been attending meetings, and have a good support system. If I make it to 90 days this time, it will be my longest stretch of sobriety since 2011. I like my sober life now. It’s come with a whole bunch of side benefits; Noticeable weight loss, more of a desire to eat right and stay fit, and more time and money to do it. Work has improved, relationships have improved, overall mood has improved but I think PAWS still brings anxiety and occasional bouts of depression. Meetings definitely help. I still have my detractors and people who don’t believe that I’ll succeed, but I still keep forging ahead.
Thanks for the comment. We’re still here and definitely glad to about your progress.
I’m an alcoholic and coke addict. Today is day 41 sober. I had a real bender in early Nov 2019, stayed sober for 50 days and relapsed on New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day. This time around the PAWS is terrible. In 41 days I haven’t had one “normal” day. Some bad anxiety and panic attacks. Yesterday was awful. Today I’m a little more clear headed. I can see where each day there has been progress – inch by inch. My body has been rewriting, but slowly. Staying sober is the absolute number one thing for me. It’s the only chance I have at returning to a normal life of serving God and serving others. And to replace the bottle with people is important, so trying to make as many AA meetings as I can.
I am about 75 days sober and want to thankyou for your blog. The comments etc show me I am not alone in this battle!
I’m 77 days sober today. Feeling very down and emotional lately. I’m a 47 year old man crying in bed, again. It’s good to know that is not abnormal for not having it together right now. Thank you.
This has been a great help reading this. I’m 67 days sober and feeling so down this week. But I also suffer with bipolar and am wondering whether it’s just the way it’s meant to be. I would use alcohol to numb myself and forget how I felt. But now I feel everything, and some days it’s so painful. I am not taking medication for my bipolar as last time I did I overdosed and ended up in the psych ward. But there’s a reason to get up everyday and not drink. Drink would always heighten my manic episodes to a point where I’ve lost friends and done some ridiculous risky things. And to be honest, the rush I get from a manic without booze is enough. Thankyou for writing this for others to read, its made me feel like I’m not the only one.
Amazing Tom, I know your post was over year ago I hope your still sober fighting the good fight, today I’m 70 days sober aka 10 weeks reading everything stuggles with alcohol makes me not feel alone or even crazy…I have experience all the PAWS symptoms I didn’t know it even existed…I once gave up alcohol for a year and 2 months only to relapes…even though I went along time without drinking I wasn’t as educated on alcohol or even PAWS symptoms as I am now…to my brothers and sister struggling I promise you we can defeat this urge and become stronger and better for it…one last thing if anyone here has relapsed there is always another day called tomorrow never give up we are all winners 😀