Despite my cool laundry day selfie, it’s been a rough week. After 6 weeks sober, I’m feeling mixed up. There are two story lines in my brain.
First, I can’t express enough gratitude for this miracle called recovery. There should be a parade to honor everyone that’s given me support. Blog readers and friends on Twitter has been amazing. At 42 days sobriety, I’m so very thankful.
Second, I’m an emotional mess. The last few days I’ve been cycling through anger, joy, anxiety, and despair. These extremes are hitting me several times each day. I don’t remember how normal is supposed feel. I thought I’d be more stable after 6 weeks without alcohol.
It’s moments like this that drive me to Pinterest and Tumblr for internet meme wisdom.
Who can argue with an acronym?
Friends are saying this is part of the process. My brain is adapting to life without constant poison. Sober Senorita put it this way:
After years of numbing yourself with drugs and alcohol, your true emotions come through and they will hit you like a ton of bricks.
Drinking is not an option. Even when the possibility comes to mind, it sounds ridiculous. The spell of alcohol has been broken and I’m not looking back.
So, I’ve been stepping back and trying to be rational, but this week has been hard. My mind keeps racing ahead to problems I can’t possibly handle today.
- When should I fly back to America? (story here)
- Does that mean my relationships here aren’t real?
- How will I relate to my kids?
- Is my marriage really over? Do I even want to save it?
- How can I face everyone in my old life?
Another meme worth sharing:
It’s felt like a circus in my head this week.
Those big life questions can wait until I’m back on my feet. The only hurry is me wanting closure, to feel settled again. That’s a lot to ask after only 6 weeks sober.
I need to remember sobriety today is the only thing on my agenda. Recovery is job #1 and I’m working the 12 steps. Even if I knew all the answers about my life, there is nothing I could do differently today.
I need to choose gratitude and let the problems wait until I’m stronger. I want to enjoy the miracle of this day, not worry about what might happen next week.
Recovery is still new for me
I like the simplicity of this model from Dr Harry’s book Being Sober. He describes three stages of healing from addiction.
I’m moving from stage one into the second. I’ve learned to abstain from alcohol. The challenge now is learning to cope with life without using. Obviously, that’s going to take some time and experience. I’m looking forward to the full life he describes, but I’m not there yet.
Here’s to another week of sobriety.
Good morning friends! I’m 6 weeks sober today. That’s 42 days of freedom from the alcohol trap. BIG thanks for the encouragement each day.
— Sober Tony (@sobertony) March 28, 2017
At about two to three months, my emotions began to calm down considerably. I became almost normal! Not that I remembered much about what that was like. I read somewhere that the emotional upheaval is your brain’s last-ditch effort to get the substance that has been killing it. It finally realizes it must heal without it around two months, which finally kicks in some much-needed endorphin production.
Congrats on hanging in there!
Sober Tony says
I really appreciate hearing that. I’m alternating between the pink cloud and the emotional gutter. I can feel like things are changing, it’s just such a new experience to experience all these emotions in reality.
Found your blog through Sober Miracle!
I am so glad you are finding your way in recovery.
Emotions can run all over the place in early recovery.
I am learning how to live a full and happy life without drinking.
I look at it as an adventure, or as an experiment!
Sober Tony says
Thanks so much for visiting. It’s definitely and adventure. I can’t wait to check out your blog too.