I’m trying to find the balance between being positive and putting a jinx on my recovery. I’m ready to celebrate this new life of freedom.
I’m writing this post on day 14 sober again, that’s just 2 weeks without drinking. Sure it is a little early to say I have ‘finally’ quit, but it’s different this time.
I can feel it in my bones.
A few key events pushed me back to recovery and away from the insane trap of alcoholism. I’m sharing this because I want others to find hope in my story. I’m not an expert, except in my own experience. Please leave me a comment if this article helps you.
1. My life blew up. After being a secret alcoholic for many years, everything came crashing down. It felt like rock bottom. I threw away a really nice life and became an outcast. That was December 2016 when I came out about my addiction.
2. I landed in a different place. It is literally a different country. I’m starting over in a different language in my daily life. All the stress and years of bad habits are simply impossible here. It’s not rehab, but I am surrounded by people who are taking care of me and helping me defeat this addiciton.
3. My addiciton followed me. Everyone knows you can’t run from yourself – which is the biggest part of my problem. After fooling around with moderation, the drinking always took back over. That was January 2017. There were some really scary moments and a few comic ones along the way. My last time time drunk was Valentine’s Day 2017. It is probably a good story, but I was blacked out from 9am onward.
4. I was finally ready to change. The reflection that followed left zero doubt in my mind. Alcohol was killing me and trying to destroy the anything that mattered to me. I had lost almost everything, but the monster still wasn’t satisfied. My new life was being destroyed before I even got started.
5. I found help. I knew the information and had my recovery books on Kindle. I asked my girlfriend to hold me accountable to sobriety, even if she didn’t believe I could change. I started blogging again. I began reaching out to other addicts online.
6. I’m not hiding anymore. The whole secrecy and shame thing wasn’t helping. I’m using my name. I’m ready to admit to what I’ve been – an addict. You can check out my story page now with a real picture and actual details.
Why this time is different
The real change came from my inner desperation. I’m backed into a corner and have to come out fighting. There is no other option. Period.
I have to get it right this time.
Maybe my life to this point is ruined – family, career, friends, social standing – all gone. Here I am and ready to fight for a fresh start. The trap of addiciton won’t fool me again – alcohol has no place in my life.
I’m moving forward.