If you’ve been following the blog, you know that I’ve been struggling in secret with my addiction.
On December 6th everything broke wide open – the shit hit the fan – all hell broke loose. In the process I’m officially losing everything I was trying to protect.
Long story short. I ran away from my family and to live with my girlfriend in another country. I made the supremely cowardly phone call while drunk in the Miami airport. That’s how my wife of 18 years found out I was unfaithful, drunk for 8 years straight, and running away.
Oh wait. This suckerpunch was only weeks before Christmas. In a matter of days, I was a complete outcast. Gossip spread like wildfire and everything I’d built in 20 years was scorched earth. Church friends were sending me hateful emails. All the parents at the kid’s school were spreading gossip. I may have to sell my business in the divorce. I’ve only seen my kids for a few hours in the last 2 months. I am literally living like an outlaw. But here’s the kicker:
I feel totally relieved.
No more pressure. No more asking the question in secret.
What happens now is uncertain. I tried to go back home for treatment in January, but I only lasted 11 days. I wasn’t ready then. I’m not sure I’m ready now, but the secret is out.
That feels like progress, right?