Today was a really solid day.
My alcohol cravings were minimal, attitude was positive, and I had moments feeling like a healthy person. I spent time with the family, went for a jog, got some work done and didn’t think much about sobriety.
This kind of day feels dangerous.
In early sobriety, good will make you lie to yourself, “I go this–no problem.”
I can imagine this is how relapse sneaks up on a person. It’s a setup. A hidden trap. The old brain saying, “Oh, just calm it down. You drank a lot, but you’re better now. That was just a phase–some kind of funk–you’re back in control now. Just stick to moderation and you can enjoy life again.” Days like this make that story believable.
That’s one reason I’m glad for this blog. Because I journaled the struggle, I can look back and tell myself the truth.
Things were bad. Real bad. I was speeding toward serious trouble.
My health is broken. My bank account is empty. My career is drifting away. I’ve have estranged friends. Problems from last week are waiting to be worked out. No, things are still bad. By God’s grace I know what I am.
Before this I can’t recall 11 days sober in the last 7 years. That’s a long term problem. 11 days sober don’t mean the enemy is beaten. He’s just in retreat.
I see the danger in good days. I may be a fool, but I’m not stupid.
Today we won and tomorrow the war against this addiciton continues.
Sober Again Update: February 2017
It really has been fun going back and revising my old posts from my first attempt at recovery. Alcoholism is such a strong mental addiciton, but going sober for 11 days gives me a ton of confidence.
Of course, relapse is just one stupid decision away.
One major difference this time, I haven’t felt deprived or miserable without drinking. I have noticed some withdrawal symptoms, but the compulsion to drink has dried up. When I think of drinking now, it looks like a trap that I’ll do anything to avoid.
Susannah Jane Goodland says
Well done for being sober for 11 days. I am too on 11 days and just walking miles to take my mind off alcohol.