39 Days – How many days of sobriety before I can trust my brain again?

I’m way over my head – especially since my head hasn’t been working lately. These are some serious life questions hanging over me.

• Divorce? Try to make amends and save the marriage? Background: I’m separated from my wife and living with my girlfriend. She wants me to come home but I’m just confused and hanging on to sobriety for dear life.
• Is my girlfriend pregnant? How can she depend on me if I’m still a mess? We started dating and our relationship progressed while I was drinking. Can I trust those feelings now that I’m in recovery?
• Which country is my home? I’m living in the Caribbean, 1700 miles from my old life. Except for this blog I’m not using much English.
• How can I be a part of my children’s lives? We talk every week, but they mostly ask me to come back. I don’t want to put them through hell again if my recovery fails.
• What should I do for work? Working online is fine for now, but long term I need some structure. Maybe a new career could help me focus.
• How can I my finances back in order? The money is ok for now, but I’ve got a nice pile of debts.

Each of these situations require serious thinking and some hard decisions. Only one problem, my brain has been pickled for about 8 years. How can I trust myself?

I know my body needs time. Lots of people in support forums are saying 2 weeks makes a big improvement (blood pressure returns to normal, able to think clearly). Others talk about enzyme levels after several months. Finally, emotional balance after years.

Of course my problems feel urgent. Maybe there is time to rollback the worse of my mistakes from the last 6 months.

It’s only been a few weeks (today is day 16) into my recovery and I’m feeling so much better. I love waking up each morning without wondering WTF happened yesterday. No more searching my own cell phone to figure out if I did anything stupid yesterday.

I’ve heard from other recovery friends who suggest I wait up to a year to make any major life decisions. Just step back from the pressure and breath. The focus now should be on sobriety and getting the one big problem of alcohol abuse under control. If I have to make choices, only one criteria matters now, will this action help my recovery journey.

I didn’t get these problems overnight and there is no quick fix. Life is a moving target. Right now I’m not even in control of my emotions. One minute I’m happy, the next sad, the next angry, then I’m just blank.

For today I’m only certain of one “smart choice.” The alcohol is finished. Never again.

Keep reading. We’ll figure this out together.