Today should have been a celebration, but it turned somewhat sour for me.
Some relationship stress set me off this morning. I’m finding I have a very short fuse in recovery this week. The problem was it kept escalating until I was decidedly pissed off.
That’s when the drunk friends showed up.
We had planned a road trip to visit a beautiful coastal town about 90 minutes south. Two members of today’s entourage are consistently annoying when they drink. Today they took it to another level. Road tripping with open containers is legal in my current country, so I was the sober grouch in the backseat. Several of these friends were on a mission to get me to drink despite my constant refusals. It was a bad place to be and feeling trapped in toxic friendships.
Angry. Irritated. My lip was quivering most of the day.
Somehow I made it through the trip and did enjoy the beach. By some miracle I didn’t ruin the day with my bad attitude. I tried to think positive, to find reasons to be grateful. I’m in a beautiful place both with my recovery and geographically. There are so many reasons for gratitude.
The drunk friends got much worse, but it became almost comic when they kept starting fights with beach vendors. Today was a milestone because I’d normally get drunk at this beach myself. Back in October, at this very spot, I was the guy starting arguments.
My addict brain did speak up, “Hey just enjoy a beer and join the idots for a little fun.”
That was my default response a few weeks again, but not today. Today I turned down the drink – despite the constant pressure. I don’t think I went full blown judgement mode on my “friends.” I was mostly just me getting very annoyed.
Anyway, that’s sobriety day 19. Still grouchy but mostly free from the desire to drink.