It’s not as bad as that photo, but waiting until day 50 before my first AA meeting wasn’t smart.
My excuse is solid, living in a Haitian ghetto etc, but I still wish I could have come here sooner. Everyone who kept saying, “Get to a meeting” was 100% right.
So this is me… about to walk into my county Token Club.
I got a fresh haircut just in case I met some cute 13th steppers : )
There was one major drawback, the smoke nearly killed me. I was dizzy and slightly nauseous by the time we finished. I’m hoping I can build up a tolerance, or maybe I’ll just take up smoking myself. I still found a way to concentrate and here are a few things I learned from the experience.
1. AA is a safe place for smart ass jokes. Just the pre-meeting small talk had me laughing out loud. Humor drove out my anxiety and I felt at home. I was like a long-lost friend and they’d been waiting for me.
2. There was no judgment. When they asked newcomers to introduce themselves, I didn’t exactly know the lingo. “I’m Tony and this is my first AA meeting? Did I do that right?” One kind lady suggested that I could identify if I was an alcoholic. I replied honestly, “Oh yes, I’m a raging alcoholic.” Her response was total acceptance.
Then honey, you’re in the right place. Keep coming back.
3. I have to do the work, it’s more than “let go & let God.” I really liked how one guy expressed it.
God has never come down and knocked a drink out of my hand and he never will. I’m sitting here today because I don’t want to take the first drink. I do this for me. And I’m the only one that can keep me sober. I have a host of friends working the program and they help me. But I got to do the work.
4. I need a daily strategy. I’ve been repeating “one day at a time” like a sacred mantra, but I could benefit from a daily action plan. One of my new friends recommended 5 simple things he does everyday. Here was his “keep it simple stupid” prescription.
- In the morning, pray that God would keep me sober
- Call my sponsor, everyday.
- Call my AA friends until I get three voices.
- Get my ass to a meeting.
- Pray again at night, thanking God for keeping me sober.
5. It’s OK to just be OK. One man shared about the importance of just fitting in, learning to be a friend among friends. The mind of an alcoholic is always trying to be above everyone else, with just one drink we imagine we’re the top of the heap. When we sober up we feel less than, like we’re the lowest. Working the our recovery means learning to belong, learning to be OK.
6. Helping others is key to my sobriety. That’s the 12th step, but it’s something we can start right away. I can be getting phone numbers and reaching out to others right now. That connection is essential for my sobriety and benefits the person I’m calling.
7. We help best when we admit we’re screwed up. We never should pretend we’ve got it all figured out. It means being honest, we help people most when we admit we’re not doing right. We can demonstrate that recovery is about progress, not perfection. That’s the best encouragement for others.
8. The 8th step is already freaking me out. “Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.” Just when they read that out loud I almost cried. My guilt inventory is overstocked for sure.
9. I can be brave when it matters. I was nervous about the whole experience, literally biting my nails waiting for the thing to get started. That’s when I made the choice to speak up. I didn’t come this far to be a wallflower. I made eye contact, spoke clearly, even shared during the discussion time.
10. Having a sponsor is not optional. I took the photo above from the meeting room bulletin board. It’s on me to fight my addiction, but I need a coach to help me prepare.
Alcoholism: I’m sponsoring myself.
11. The 12 steps are the foundation to it all. Every time someone shared, they would reference or point to the steps as the key to their recovery. One guy put it this way:
It’s not no shit I just made up. It’s all in there. The steps have the solution to how to live.
12. The fellowship of these meeting is something I really need. I’ve made a good 50 day start mostly on my own, to move forward and keep sober I know I need to get committed to these groups. This is what I’ve been missing.
I almost forgot, they gave me my first AA chips. I already love the sound of them in my pocket.
I’d love to hear your experience. If you’re an AA newcomer or an old-timer. Leave a comment below to share your thoughts.
Hi Tony!
Great post!
I go to AA, too.
I love that I have people who have shared experiences. It means I don’t have to be ashamed, as they have done the same things.
It means I am not alone.
And alcoholics are funny!
I met a guy for coffee and we were laughing so hard I thought we’d be thrown out of the shop!
My sponser was a coach. That’s a great way of putting it!
I am learning to be ok with being normal…not “poor me” and not “look at me”.
Your first meeting really sounded good, well, except for the smoking. Ugh
Happy 50 plus days!!
xo
Wendy
Thanks you. It was definitely an experience to remember. I’m going back to the same group tomorrow, I’ll just accept the smokey laundry as part of the deal.
I love this, Tony. I recommend reading the seanologues post today about his first meeting in Portland.
I was previously sober for 8 years and did not go to AA. I then relapsed for 5 years, surrendered on 8/31/15, and started going to AA.
(Important: I am NOT drawing a connection between the relapse and not attending AA previously).
I AM saying that, if you truly are an alcoholic, you must have a program. AA is the main thing I choose. There are others to include twitter, tons of podcasts, etc. Tony, I SOBBED during my first AA meeting. But: I also knew that these were my people. I shared (what I could between sobs) and after the meeting a group of old timers took me out to lunch. I left with 10 phone numbers and one of those guys is my sponsor.
I hear people talk about AA being judgmental. I “want” to tell those people they are too sensitive. (I know everyone’s experience is not positive). But I do find it an incredibly accepting place. We all want the same thing. Do some people talk too much? Yes. Do some people share the same story over and over? Yes. But good grief we are there for an hour, max, no matter what. I love it. Again, these are my people.
Side note: cigarette smoke? Did you travel back in time?! I thought in most states smoking wasn’t allowed in buildings. Yeah, I know: KY. But hey, I’m in NC. Anyway. Love this: keep coming back!????????
I LOVE this!! I’m very involved in my AA community in my hometown, and I have never felt more accepted for being exactly\ who I am.. it’s such a blessing. Thanks for sharing your experience!
They were such great people. I’ve made 5 meetings in two weeks and loved it more each time.
I love reading your posts. I am currently struggling with the adult beverages. Trying to be moderate…oh brother. I guess because I was 25 years sober maybe I didn’t didn’t have a real problem?? How’s that for a maggot in the brain. Five gradual years into an increasingly fierce relapse. I am functioning but…
Thank you for saying hello. Keep coming back, I’d love to be an encouragement to you.
I wish I would have woken up before my life went to shit. I knew I was in the trap, just didn’t want to get free. Finally the spell was broken and I was mad as hell. I wanted to punch drunk Tony in the nose.
Anyway, be encouraged. There is a way out. Alcohol can hack anyone’s brain, but if you start looking for help it will arrive.
Another nice post, Tony. If I may make one small suggestion though, on number 8: “The 8th step is already freaking me out”
Steps that freaked me out did so because I was looking at the step from a place of ignorance (the 4th and 5th in my case – and specifically, the 4th messed me up because I was afraid of the 5th). I was afraid of doing the 5th step because I didn’t know how free I would feel after I was done. Had I known the results before I did the steps, I’d have done the 4th and 5th with a smile on my face.
Consider the promises at Step Nine. You’re only hurdle to get them is Eight.
Thanks for the encouragement. It’s a process. I’m glad all those meetings read the promises.