Life has me by the balls this week.
I’m back in the USA to visit my kids, handle some personal business, and get some help with my recovery. This means lots of stress and standing up to fear, regret, and all my old drinking triggers.
The good side, I keep doing the right things even when I don’t like it.
- I got to smash beer (don’t miss the video)
- I’m visiting my kids and explaining what happened
- I learned a lot from the near relapse on day 56
- We made major progress on my 12 steps (writing about that later)
- I’m getting a proper AA experience
- I visited church and plan to face my old church this Sunday
- I paid the divorce lawyer and finished my taxes
The latest development, I saw the physiologist on Thursday. We chatted for an hour, I paid him $250 cash, and walked out with a diagnosis.
Rapid cycling mood disorder, middle to upper range bipolar
I’m still working out the treatment plan, but I am starting to understand why addiction kicked my ass so easily. I’m grateful for every hour sober and working on recovery.
What’s next is what gives me trouble.
My plan is to go home to Haiti on Monday. That will conclude this chapter of the comeback tour and give me a few months to process everything that’s happening. I could stay another week here, but I feel like that’s pushing my already stretched limits. There are a million things that go into this decision, but if I pose one question it would be this:
What is my best chance to stay sober for the next 60 days?
I’m confident that my recovery can continue in any situation, but I think I’m more secure in my Haiti situation.
Feel free to add your own advice, I’m not too proud to listen. Leave a comment below.
Allen Carrs book on Alcohol is liberating