I’m getting sick of writing bullshit “I’m starting over” kind of blog posts.
Addiction gets old ….
It’s no wonder family and friends lose all faith in our recovery.
- We admit we’re powerless
- then get some time sober
- we start feeling we’re in control
- then we ease back into old thoughts
- then we try a little a drink (because we’ve changed)
- then we lose another chunk of years to blackouts
Just yesterday, a guy at my meeting said it this way:
AA works until it doesn’t work anymore. Then we’re fucked because nothing works. You can’t go back because nothing works again.
I can’t believe that because too many people have come out on the other side. Hopeless drunks who figured out how to get sober, truly recover, and move forward with living.
Interrupted Not Erased
Sitting in the meeting yesterday, I kept hearing so many familiar things.
Recover is not new to me anymore, I’ve listened and learned so much in the past few years. I’ve read a dozen books on sobriety and overcoming addiction. I’ve worked through the steps and felt the weight of the world lifted. I’ve practiced honesty, daily dependence on my higher power, and tried to help others find some help.
Here’s the damn problem – it’s Tony.
Being the smart guy didn’t keep me sober. When I got to my first 90 days I still went home and hated myself. I still woke up every day living with the hurt I’ve caused others. Sitting here right now – I still just want to be erased.
I can’t manage my own recovery because I’m the ass who screwed things up in the first place.
Wherever you are 🙄
start there … pic.twitter.com/712yCNmbRo
— Sober Tony (@sobertony) October 23, 2018
So that’s where I’m starting over – with the tools to change but a new conviction that I need outside help.
Now that I’ve blogged the “I suck and need help” step again, it’s probibly time to go find some help.
Keep coming back!