Even after the big 100 days sober milestone, I’ve had a week of low motivation.
It’s no crisis, but I keep letting those old addiction whispers hang around too long. It’s the kind of drinking fantasies that will lead me back to the alcohol trap:
What if someday you could learn to drink in moderation? What if you could replace the compulsive habit loop with something less harmful? Moderation would prove you are not powerless but strong, right?
I know that’s a load of shit, but I’m admitting now that I listened too long. It’s time to get honest and smash those ideas before they get comfortable.
Consider this a public 4th step – Sober Tony still thinks about drinking.
Talking to a recovery friend
What really snapped me back to reality was Bryan. He’s a reader here on the blog and we’ve been talking through email for several months.
He’s early in the battle and working hard everyday to overcome ADDICTION. Just hearing his struggle, made me remember why I’ve got to defend my sobriety.
Not so long ago, I was a total slave to alcohol. I never want to go back.
Talking to Bryan wasn’t part of the program, it’s just two guys chatting about life with a big something in common. I hope those talks encouraged him too, but they put me back in the right mode of thinking.
Just pick up the telephone. Like all the old-timers know:
IF you want to stay sober, help another drunk.
Why not call the sponsor?
My sponsor is an A+ kind of guy, but sometimes I feel like I’m taking too much of his time. I know that’s not the deal, it’s probably a social courtesy in my imagination that does not exist.
Too often, I wait for him to reach out.
If I let the drinking thoughts linger too long, I might get shy. Then I’ll be tempted to cover them up to win his approval – again stuff that’s just in my head. This is the same guy that suffered through my 4th step.
Remember we deal with alcohol. Cunning. Baffling. Powerful.
With Bryan, I have a feeling that I could give him the right nudge or some small help. So I usually reach out first. It’s the desire to help someone who keeps me active, which by design helps me too.
That’s a big thing AA does right
I know there are some limits to Alcoholics Anonymous, but helping others with their sobriety is a major boost to my motivation.
As the 12th step reads:
Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
On the wall at my Token club is a display that says this explicitly:
I am responsible. When anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help, I want the hand of AA always to be there. And for that I am responsible.
Helping others maintains motivation
In my review of a SMART RECOVERY meeting, I enjoyed this pillar of their program – build and maintain motivation – this is where my recovery has been feeling weak.
Just getting a little motivation can give me the leverage I need to pursue sobriety today. AKA get to a meeting, make a phone call, listen to a podcast.
Big thanks to online friends like Bryan, and Julia (tweet below) and everyone who leaves a comment on this blog. You are helping me more than you know!
— Julia (@anonymalkis) June 1, 2017
Who are you helping?
Besides helping me (by reading this little blog), who else is part of your recovery? Are you sponsoring people or just being the familiar face to someone in a meeting? Leave a comment below to start the conversation.