The score is 74 – 0, it’s an epic beat down, so why does it feel so hard?
I’ve been smashing addiction for almost 11 weeks now. Despite my unconventional start, I’m putting in the work everyday to get this drink problem out of my head.
That’s the problem – my addict brain keeps talking shit. Despite all my best efforts, the whisper hasn’t stopped.
pretending 2 be better than i am is a spiritual sickness
— melissa broder (@melissabroder) April 21, 2017
I’m having trouble believing my change is real. Maybe the sickness inside of me is planning this whole thing. ADDICTION wants me to fail at recovery so I will be utterly enslaved.
Aren’t you just pretending? Isn’t the whole sober thing just a phase? Why not cut that shit out and get back to what you really love – alcohol.
That’s last night’s monologue. It’s nothing new, I’m just running out of trash talk to shut him down.
So why it’s recovery getting any easier?
Today I’m staying focused on the big story.
- Addiction blew up my life
- Now I’m fighting back
- Things are going the right direction, even if perfect is not on the horizon
My Haitian girlfriend gave me a great response, when I was explaining all these pointless drinking fantasies.
Of course you’re thinking about alcohol, that’s what alcoholic people do. What matters is that you already gave up drinking.
So it’s day 74 sober. Recovery is my second chance and I don’t plan to waste it.
I’d love to have your feedback. How do you stay focused when you get those nagging thoughts about drinking? Leave a comment below to start the conversation.
This is where that whole “one day at a time” thing comes in. Just worry about today. Next, work some steps at it. If that fails go on a twelve step call with your sponsor so you can remember why you quit in the first place.
It won’t get easier for some time. Buckle up, and remember this: You can have your misery refunded any time you want. Just pick up a drink.
The best way for me, is to think all the way through the end of the drink/bottle.
That stops me cold.
No way do I want to feel like that again, or do the stupid things I did while drunk.
xo
Wendy
That’s great advice. My imagination usually stops at the feeling happy part. I need to remember all the terrible things that come along with the 5 minutes of feeling good.