This morning I was a mess, by afternoon I was ready for some beer.
Three things stopped me. First, I had taken some Aleve for a sore foot and I’m nervous about drug interactions. Second, I’d promised myself that I could somehow make it through the day. Third, all the work I’ve put into this blog would be wasted with the first taste.
It’s memorial day and the idea of hosting friends without drinking was anathema to me. I wanted to enjoy myself and knew that grouchy me wasn’t up to the task. Why not loosen up a little and not torture everyone with my sober self. To top things off, I have been feeling like I hate everyone for the last few days. A little buzz could solve all those problems.
It was a close struggle for a few hours.
I had a perfect chance to stumble when the propane ran out. The only place local open was the CVS Pharmacy, which happens to be my regular liquor depot. It was the kind of classic excuse I’ve used for years. The struggle was real, but somehow I confirmed my choice to stay sober before I left the house. The cashier teased me a little when I didn’t grab my normal stockpile of beer & wine. Maybe my face was too serious, because she immediately apologized.
I didn’t mean to say that you’re some kind of alcoholic or anything!
I smiled and said that I wasn’t bothered. I probably drink like one, but not today. As I walked out of the store it felt like some weight was lifted off me. This isn’t my last struggle, but it feels good to have accomplished something. I’m still in early recovery for sure, but I am starting to believe this can happen.
Today I stayed sober and that’s all I was trying to do.
That’s the plan – the one step program.