This didn’t feel possible back on February 15th
90 days is like 3 years worth of sobriety packed into consecutive days, right?
I’ve felt like a “pretend sober person” since the beginning, that’s why I count days. It reminds me that actions matter more than words. That my current status is more real than my past. Each milestone is giving me confidence that recovery is possible — it’s actually happening.
#sobercount 90 day ???????? on the way to pickup a red chip and drink free coffee ????♂️????☕ #recovery is possible pic.twitter.com/h7H62N2Eg5
— Sober Tony (@sobertony) May 15, 2017
We’re all liars, cheaters, and thieves
It’s a beautiful thing about alcoholics anonymous. “In the rooms” I don’t need to pretend like I’ve got this thing beat. I don’t need to blow smoke in your eyes about my recovery. The opposite is true, I’m always running a bullshit detector before I talk because everyone in this room is coming from the same place. We know how ADDICTION makes us liars, damn good liars.
From the white chip newbie to the multi-year medallion, we’re all making the choice to be honest and not drink today.
Friends in Recovery
That was the topic they announced for today’s meeting.
Because I’ve been away from regular AA meetings (living in a non-English place) my online friends have carried extra weight in my recovery journey. But here’s the gut honest truth.
Sober Tony is a fraud, an internet personality.
It’s hard to really “know” someone through 140 characters – even if I do tweet a hundred times a day. My plan is to stay honest, even to highlight my faults, but sometimes my shit happens faster than I can Tweet.
All the same – I’ve got 90 days sober and each day I’m more like the person you guys seem to like ❤️????????????????. My friends on Twitter are keeping me honest and I love you all for that.
When the meeting clapped for my 90 day chip this morning, I imagined your little twitter faces smiling too.
???? So that’s the first 90 rounds — I’ve taken some hits and I’ve hit back hard. Nothing has put me on the mat, but I’d like to think I’ll get back up if I slip. This fight is too important to lose.
No graduation, no finish line, no reason to let up
Past performance does not guarantee future results.
Another big lesson this morning, lots of people talk about their first time in the program. They tell the story of how ADDICTION took them back after months or even years of quality sober time.
That scares the shit out of me.
Relapse is really that simple and a part what makes addiction so damn tricky. I can have a wonderful life, 99.9% craving free, celebrating the joys of being woke. But alcohol only needs to find one weak moment when I’m feeling impulsive and down on myself. Then it’s a quick spiral back into isolation, relapse, and continued addiction. That’s not the kind of life I want.
So, I’m working my steps. I’ve even got some major plans on Step 9 this week. I’m doing all I know to make sure I’m moving forward in the program. I want to be ready when those moments of battle come.
The Addict’s Jesus is in My Corner
I love this painting from our local Token Club – It’s the closest thing I’ve found to art showing my higher power in action.
Shout out to the addict’s Jesus ????
you’ve done well,
recovery is an honest fucking miracle,
let’s get working on the next 90.
Yay!!
Happy 90 Days!
I am glad you went for the run with your sons.
I am also glad you are making amends, one amend at a time.
I know I had to make the most to my hubs, as he was the one most hurt by my drinking.
xo
Wendy
I’m getting together with the x tomorrow for some sushi and to talk about post-marriage counseling,
I hope it’s more fun than it sounds,
First, Tony, congratulations on your 90 days. That’s a great start. Second, you’ve got a long way to go, baby. Take both hands, place one on each cheek… the other cheeks… and hold on for the ride. It’s gonna be bumpy.
You wrote: “But alcohol only needs to find one weak moment when I’m feeling impulsive and down on myself. Then it’s a quick spiral back into isolation, relapse…”
That is written like a true relapser. Alcohol is an inanimate object. It can’t DO anything but sit there. You can’t win the argument that goes on in your head between the “committee”. Your sentence is passive, as if relapse just “happens”. Relapse is active. Always.
I never relapsed, because I learned that the way I win the argument is to not have it in the first place. When my friends told me I was entirely full of crap, and I most certainly was, I listened and did something about it. Now it’s your turn.
You made a good choice in going home to take care of your responsibilities, but you’ve got a long way to go. One day at a time.
Congrats on 90. Now get 91 right.
Right on ???? let’s climb that next hill.
I actually am trying to get my road bike out this week. ????
Nice milestone man!! Great post as well. It’s such a slippery slope we’re on. That’s why we need to lean on each other, stay vigilant. A lot of good reminders, humor, and wisdom in this.
Man you’ve been a big part of this progress. I really appreciate our talks!
Milestones are fun, even if today is the only one win that counts.
Good for you!