You never change. You always promise to stop drinking. I can’t believe your promises anymore.
That’s what a friend told me last month. I had just ruined her valentine’s day, said some really terrible things, then woke up the next day full of apologies. That much I remember, the rest is a total blackout. She had good reasons to doubt me, as much as I didn’t want to admit it.
She was right.
Like everyone who battles addiction I am really good at “starting over.” Then a few hours later I’m back into my old patterns. It’s easy to quit drinking at least once a day, everyone needs to sleep. It’s just the next morning I’m ready to pick up where I left off.
At 20 days of sobriety I’m starting to believe in myself again – to believe this recovery journey is possible. Alcohol had stolen my ability to self determine. One day at a time I’m feeling in control again. Yesterday I was turning down beer zero temptation. The withdrawal symptoms are winding down. My confidence is growing as I check off each 24 hours.
This is really happening. Change is possible.
I’m like the prisoner who has cleared the fence and made it into the woods. I’m looking back to see if anyone noticed my escape. Today the coast is clear.
I’m moving forward, freedom is here.